Online dating has grown in a BIG way. Social networking and online speed dating have replaced going out and being social. Why spend hours getting ready to go out when you can spend 15 minutes setting up a profile and meet more people online in one night than you would ever hope to meet on a good night in a pub or club? You can literally create the perfect persona and never have to worry if your ass looks big in those jeans or if your breath smells like garlic. Sounds like a perfect way to snag a date. Think again…
Lets leave aside the tales of women falling prey to internet stalkers, horny 19 year old guys looking for ‘experienced women’ and sex starved husbands looking for some casual ‘no strings sex’ on the side. Of course all this comes with the territory. What I am talking about here is people conveniently leaving out something about themselves in order to portray themselves in the best possible light. We all do it. In business it would be what is referred to as false advertising.
I use a particular dating website which boasts 100 million members worldwide. That is quite a lot of people to choose from. It uses an advanced matching system and free personality tests which makes it easier to find possible dates. You can instant message some members if they so choose or email as many people as you want all for free. So far so good.
Now I am not into mass dating and have a pretty good system or shit test to weed out losers. But even the most stringent vetting system won’t weed out people if they are economical with the truth. The biggest issue I seem to run into time and time again is women who are overweight but there is nothing on their profile to suggest they are. On their profile their answer to body shape is either Prefer not to say or A few Extra Pounds. The last is particularly deceiving.
Don’t get me wrong I don’t have anything against BBW’s per se. I just don’t choose to date them. I know a lot of guys who get off on girls with ‘curves’ but stretch marks and wobbly bellies don’t turn me on. Only recently I met a lady who looked awesome in her head and shoulder shot but when I actually met her in person she was nothing like her profile. Or maybe I should rephrase that and say she was twice the woman I expected her to be.
I spotted her from a distance standing nervously at the prearranged meeting place and rather than do my dash; being the gentleman I am, walked up to her, kissed her on the cheek and suggested going for a drink even though we had planned to go for a walk along the river. I thought I may as well get loaded because I made an effort to get my ass into the city for what I thought would be an exciting date with an attractive chick.
As I sat there listening to her speak I noticed she kept rubbing her face above her lips. She did this every couple of minutes until I jokingly asked her if she had a cold or was a cocaine user. She laughed nervously until I finally discovered that she had a problem sweating. Every few minutes little beads of sweat would break out on her upper lip.
That’s right she was so big that she sweated even while idling. If she was getting stuck into a 40 oz steak I could probably get my head around it. But we were in a pretty swishy bar with air conditioning. I suggested going to another bar because I started feeling uncomfortable when she became animated after a glass or two of champagne.
So we repaired to some Irish Bar and on auto pilot I suggested she perch herself on a stool while I got the beers in. She turned around and actually said are you serious? My arse will hang over the side of the stool. I thought fuck it and said you are right. It wouldn’t be a good look. So we took our places in some dark corner while I proceeded to become more and more oblivious. Thankfully she didn’t get any better looking as I got my beer goggles on. She must have read my apparent disinterest and finally got up and announced she was leaving.
I think she expected me to walk her back to her car but I told her that I was going to stay a little longer. So she got up and headed for the door. As she waddled out I took one more look at her arse to remind myself that I never, ever want to get stuck under a female that big in case she carks it and the Metropolitan Fire Brigade have to be called to winch her corpse off and free my sorry ass.
